Saturday, 27 April 2013

The Boy's in Blue

Despite my initial disappointment that this film was NOT the 1982 comedy classic featuring Cannon and Ball, a big thanks to Gary James, the team from the National Film Archive and staff at the Cornerhouse for a thoroughly entertaining two hours of nostalgia.  As someone who has probably everything published that has anything to do with Manchester's local history, the evening was facsinating on two counts.  There was film about City and Manchester so for me it was two for one.

Friday, 26 April 2013

West ham

Last night in the pub the karaoke presenter, Colin, was banging on again about how a club should not win the title on goal difference as we did last year, but it should go to a one off game between the top two (even tho’ we won both derby games 7-1 on aggregate and they won on goal average in 1965. Is there anyone more bitter than a bitter rag?
Today the dentist, who’s OK really, tho a rag, was on about the parade date and the supposed bitterness surrounding it “which all started with City’s 'welcome to Manchester' poster. “No, it was preceded by united’s banner INSIDE  the swamp about us not winning anything for years and years”
“Oh yes”

Saturday it’s West Ham, here’s the It’s A Fix extract/update :


Back in the Prem after a season out, winning promotion by beating Blackpool in the play off final, last pot FA Cup in 1980, 86th league meeting, recent connections Wayne Bridge, Carlos Tevez

This season so far they’re in 10th place with 42 points from 34 games with  11 wins, 9 draw and 14 defeats.
Last two away games have been 1-1 at Saints and 0-0 at Liverpool. At home they drew with the rags 2-2, RVP scoring an offside equaliser..

At Upton Park in November it was 2 points dropped by the Blues in a dull 0-0 draw.
Crowd was 35,005 with 3,031 Blues

In the Capital One Cup they beat Crewe 2-0 at home in the 2nd round but lost 4-1 at home to Wigan in the 3rd.

In the FA Cup: They lost 1-0 at the Swamp in the 3rd rd replay after a 2-2 draw  at Upton Park when the rags got a dubious penalty, and West Ham were denied two stone-wallers (according to Irons fans)

Our form at home to West Ham : Last meeting was in season 10/11, At The Etihad in May it was a 2-1 City win, De Jong (10) then Zab (15) were the unlikely scorers, but the ‘ammers pulled one back through Ba (him again - 78). Crowd was 44,511 with 1226 ‘ammers.
Prior to that  7 wins and 2 draws, just the one win for the ‘ammers, 1-0 in 2002/03

Comment: Season’s gone  pretty well as expected for the ‘ammers. Mid table, probably safe and big Sam in the clear, plus the move to the Olympic stadium definitely on.
Andy Carroll used to give us problems, but surely a win for us today.
WWTWTWShite: Averaged 17,679 in 55/56, pretty good, and this season it’s 34,681.

Thursday, 25 April 2013



Spurs then and a nice fine weekend for a change. Sat Nav in It’s A Fix was incorrect, as we found out as we approached London, thanks to all for letting us know! It was left on from the Everton game in the previous KK generically. Sorry.
Spurs fans not as cocky as usual. Only a brief shout of ‘Yid Army’ as they walked past, some fans were in united shirts. Silva’s hamstring was OK but he’d turned his ankle in training and was out. So we weren’t up to strength and they had Bale back plus  Defoe was on the bench.
We started well, dominating and biting in the tackle, going a goal up early doors.
We couldn’t add to it and you feared the worse when Defoe came on. Suddenly they burst into life and 3 goals went in inside 7 minutes and we worried they might reverse last season’s 5-1. We dominated for 75 minutes then went to pot.
Dzeko, who should’ve been  well up for it after his 4 on this ground last season was appalling, Ya Ya got himself  needlessly booked again, and Vinny was in a mess for their first two goals, though Milner going off didn’t help.
It’s never easy getting away from WHL and tonight was no exception, but home by half eight.
Chelsea drew at Liverpool with Suarez disgracing himself. Borrussia Munchonacentreback have put in a bid for him!
On the news it was announced that a minutes applause was held at Anfield  for Anne Richards (not Williams) without an apology.
So it was now wide open for the rags to clinch the title at home to Villa on the Monday night, which, of course they did with a world class performance, winning 3-0. We beat Villa 5-0 of course!
Cue scenes of aggression from their morons outside the ground. City fans celebrate with joy!
Drove all the way over to Stockport on request to drop some zines off at the BHAIJI shops on Merseyway, so look out for them there, Stockport Blues.
Last night it was Bayern v Barca and a 4-0 win for the Germans in the Chimps league semi. Tonight Dortmund destroyed Real Madrid 4-1 so no shame in us drawing with them at the Etihad.
Re-arranged fixtures announced by the Blues – free mid week this week AND next week but we play West Brom a few days before the Final.
Rags announce that their parade will be on Monday May 13th  a couple of days after our Cup Final.
Radio Manc rang me up and I told ‘em it was the sort of snidey trick you’d expect from the rags, though their parade should be in Stretford. I couldn’t see why theirs couldn’t be the week before or the week after, but frankly if we win the Cup I’m not that fussed when we have our parade.
Let’s see what they print, if anything.
Anyway I’m pleased to say that KK 206 is coming on nicely and should be at the printers at weekend to be out at Swansea.
Thanks for all the contributions, too many to fit into 52 pages sadly.

Saturday, 20 April 2013


Did my prediction for the MUEN for tomorrows game. 100 words requested so then they edit it to make me look (even more) stupid. 2-1 predicted. May not do it again.

Spurs, then, here’s the It’s A fix extract/update from KK 205 (thankfully the front cover’s still valid!)


Last promotion was in 1976 since when they’ve been successful in most cups, last pot league Cup in 2008. Recent connection is Adebayor. 128th league meeting.

This season so far: They’re in 5th place with 58 points from 32 games and 8 wins 5 draws and 3 losses at home. They’re 10 points behind us and 2 points behind the Arse in 4th place

At the Etihad in November  it was a 2-1 City win, the goals coming from Aguero (65) and Dzeko (88)
Crowd was 47, 208 with 2,809 Spuds

In the Capital One Cup they beat Carlisle 3-0 away in the 3rd but lost 2-1 at Norwich in the 4th.

In the FA Cup they beat Coventry 3-0 at home in the 3rd rd but lost 2-1 at Leeds in the 4th rd.

In the Europa Cup it’s been : Panathinaikos 1-1 A, 3-1 H; Lazio 0-0 H,0-0 A; NK Maribor 1-1A, 3-1H; Olympique Lyon 2-1H, 1-1A; Inter H 3-0 and A 1-4,but they went out to Basle in the next round  April 4th home 2-2, 11th away 2-2 lost on pens.

Our form at Spurs : Last season it was the magnificent  5-1 in August. Goals came from Dzeko (34,41,55, 90) with one from Aguero (60) and a consolation from Kaboul (68) Crowd was 36,150 with 1757 Blues. Prior to that no wins since 2002/03, (2-0) our only other win in the Prem.

Comment: In the January window ins were Fryers and Holtby, outs included Gomes, Cudicini and Jenas.
AVB seems to have won over those fans who wanted him out by Christmas. They took the Europa Cup pretty seriously and we hoped they’d progress to distract them from our game. They’ve put in some good performances in the league with Bale on fire, and it looks like he and Defoe will be back whilst we’ll be missing Aguero and Silva. Fans have encountered racist violence on their foreign trips and Inter are being fined for racist chants. Bet Mario just loves it over there.
It would be nice to repeat last year’s 5-1 but that’s unlikely with our current away form. A result is needed to keep us in second position and to dent the rags chances of winning the title on Monday night.
Adebayor thinks we could implode if things aren’t going well and we could be arguing amongst ourselves on the pitch. Erm, Ade, that may have been true when you played for us and you were the prime suspect but not now.

Groundwise: We’ll be in the usual corner, upper and lower. Their fans are usually pretty aggressive before and after the game so watch your backs.

White Hart Lane : Capacity : 40, 260 (2,800 for City)

WWTWTWShite: Averaged 20,858 in 1985/86 and this season it’s 36,012
Parking : Street parking, if you’re lucky, and local expensive  car parks
Sat Nav : L4 4EL

Thursday, 18 April 2013

lauren Drummond

PS : As you know we’re big Holby City fans and I’ve gone on a bit about the delightful Chantelle on this blog and in the zine. Pleasantly surprised then to read in the programme that the actress Lauren Drummond who plays her is a big City fan. Pure class!
PPS Deadline for next issue is this Sunday


Oh – groundhog day should ‘ve read groundhog Tuesday.
Blustery night, east
“Should we go for a big win?” Decided we should go for a narrow win so we wouldn’t be too cocky for the final. Phew, they played very well, though we had our second squad out virtually. Must say I was impressed. We were poor, leggy, all that passing and the goal came from a good old fashioned dribble and shot from Carlos.
Not many Wigan fans, will they sell out at Wembley?
Rags drew with an offside goal.

Groundhog day

Any Tuesday evening – or maybe sometime in the future – BBC Radio Manchester – 7:00pm. Presented by Ivan Edamman, it’s: “Chew Bluesday, where we savour all things City, and once again we’re stuck in the formulaic groove of asking you another pointlessly irrelevant and academic question which neither affects nor remotely changes anything at all, in retrospect, in the present, or in the future. That’s because it cannot be implemented by the key elements of club, manager and players, nor anyone not in possession of a time machine. Here’s Nada to take all your views, review forums, text, email, websites, facecloth, Blueberry, Twatter, ipads, shinpads, tablets, pills and placebos – and telling us all covertly how to properly pronounce “Edin JAAAaaayykoh.”
“We’ve also got City Legend Paul Pool Duracell bunny-bouncy to keep us incredibly up-beat, positive, on-message, loyal, blinkered and blue light blind despite the recent disasters of the club falling foul of Financial Fair Play, the Abu Dhabi owners packing up and withdrawing all financial support to concentrate money and resources in their Gulf States homeland and the C21st. Holy War equivalent of the Crusades, as conflict in the oil-producing hinterland escalates in the aftermath of the good ol’ US of A nuking Iran just for that country having the territory to develop its own nuclear bomb. Also: the club being fined heavily, points deducted then relegated and on its way to outdoing Blackburn in revolving-door management; the Etihad Campus and Training Centre being sold off for warehousing etc. etc. Today’s Question: ‘With Paul Dickov coming back as Manager, should he take a playing role, given the transfer embargo. Also, and more so, should we revert to those famous Wembly ’99 stripey glow-worm tops to make him feel welcome again and us feel good’”.
Nada interjects: “So tell us what you think, let’s have your views on text, tax, e-Wail, Blacktooth, Blueface, Splatter, Ipad, Eyepatch, tablet or lozenge and...something funny just happened to me on the way to the forums.....-JAAAAAAYKoooooAH!” (Masochistic listener goes straightway from anger at the pointless overrunning topic:  - should Pantilimon or Hart be played in the FA Caup Semi – “it’s the club, a trophy for the fans, not a support group for an on-loan Romanian keeper!!” – to...zzzzzeds.
Cheesy-peasy Ryan Roquefort interjects: “Here’s Na’ then Muddletown to review all the media’s City news over the last week: “Some stuff’s been all over the papers, some players have been naughty, some cannot drive lawfully, some linked with transfers hither, thither in, over and out, some have snubbed us, most of it you already know via Press, TV, internet et flippin’ cetera – but you’ll never be told who’s got the knives-out agenda against City ‘cos I work for Aunty BBC and want to ensure we’re touchy-feely enemy-free. Finally, we’ll pad out this section with commentary heard on Radio Manchester re-runs for the umpteenth time in seven days...(ssssnore).
Again, Ewan Cheddarchap’s turn: “Yes, we’re in the big Beeb family in our magnificent new studios at Media City – thanks for your licence fees, folks by the way. Here’s Nada again.”
“Dean in Denton’s chimed us thus on Clockface saying ‘please bring back those red and black checkered shirts from the ‘80’s – I loved Gordon Davies and the Full Members Cup era...(globble flobble).
Familiar voice again: “That’s getting to be it for now. Next week I, Brian Briebloke brings you another Chew Bluesday, along with City’s heroic legend Paul Pond. We may look at Financial Fair Play, asking you how yet another Premier League title at Ragworld impacts on this supposed “open-to-all” level playing field and the lower levels of the football playing pyramid such that one start, everywhere, would be to restrict season-ticket holders to defined surrounding postcode areas, but as that’s too near contemporary reality, we’ll probably not. So instead we could ask: ‘does the fact that BBC local Radio Sport is so far down the BBC “food chain” (© Jimmy Suchawag) that the low calibre means an inability to do more than just re-gurgitate and re-cycle mainstream media garbage and stir-it-up-against-City narratives ad throw them out on a “listener-interactive” basis so all the while me and my feet-up journo chums let he fans do the work, whilst having tea and biccies in our spanking new studios? And once more, not giving a thought that now and again, local radio might give a counter and balancing view to this mafian- agenda sort of supporting its main local club? But then again, probably not, so we’ll definitely be asking those all important posers: ‘should there be a D of the Dang on the Colin Bell stand?’ and the thorny – ho-ho! – question, ‘just how loud for you was the B of the Bang?’”
(Schnogglenooze...“There’s wallabies in the Kippax”...gnurf.)
Ron Dunford

Wednesday, 17 April 2013


I see that the rag who called Vinny a black c*nt at the swamp as he was being interviewed at the end of the game actually called him a fat c*nt, so that’s alright then?
I would’ve thought that being called a c*nt was pretty bad, worse even?
Ollie Holt in the manumirror was going on about the bonfire song again. Fuck me Ollie, Rio is a complete twat so get over it.
Tonight it’s the Cup final rehearsal, we need a win and so do they. Here’s the It’s A Fix extract/update :

KO 7.45PM (re-arranged from 6th round Cup day)

Promoted in 2005, so now in their 8th Premiership season. 18TH League meeting. No pots or recent connections.

This season so far : they’re in 18th place with 31 points from 31 games with 4 wins 3 draws and  8 losses away from home. In the window they got Henriques on loan from the rags, so someone to boo!

At the JD on a cold November Wednesday night  it was a 2-0 City win, Balotelli opened (69) then Milner (72) sealed it . Crowd was 19,623 with 4,811 Blues.

In the Capital One Cup they won 4-1 at Notts Forest in the 2nd round but went out at home to Bradford City in the 3rd 4-2 on penalties after 0-0.

In the FA Cup they drew at home with Bournemouth 1-1 but won the replay 1-0 in the 3rd rd, beat Macclesfield away in the 4th then Huddersfield 4-1 away in the 5th and Everton 3-0 away in the 6th. They’ve beaten Millwall 2-0 in the semi to face us in the final.

Form at home to Wigan: Last season at the Etihad it was a 3-0 win in September, Sergio notching a hat-trick (13,63,69) . Crowd was 46,509 with 1122 humble pie eaters.
Prior to that after a couple of 1-0 defeats  it’s been a draw and  4 wins.

Comment : This is not the time of year to play Wigan in the league as they always pick up and can beat anyone in their annual relegation battle. It’s been another season of struggle for Wigan despite Martinez staying, and it’s a fantastic achievement for them to reach the final (42 years ago when we met in the cup they were a non league team, and we only scraped through 1-0!)  Surely though they’ll take the drop this season, or will they? Sadly we must take them a step nearer to the Championship.

WWTWTWShite: Averaged 2,758 in 1989/90 and this season it’s 18,847

Tuesday, 16 April 2013


Went down on the Saturday, followed the ‘empty seats on tour’ self deprecating Wigan fans. Stayed with friends and at night we went to see ‘The Jersey Boys’ fabulous show, not much singing along as my falsetto went when the 5th went in on the 5-1 that time. Thought Roberto would’ve brought the boys to watch it but no!
Sunday full of nerves. Got to Wembley by train, walked from the station with Paul Dickov and was in good time on a nice fine day (unlike yesterday) Did our meet and greet act whilst selling s few zines, meeting old and new friends, that I often miss on Ashton New Road on matchdays, reflecting on where we’ve come from, and how lucky we are to be Blue and not the reviled red. “You’re only famous ‘cos of Oasis” sang the Blur boys to us. Escalators packed in on the way to the 5th tier, and no lifts!
Dominant by the Blues first half, should have been more than just the one goal. 2-0 up just after half time, was this the day we’d be treated to a comfy win in a big game? No. Ba scored one of his replica goals from a long ball similar also to the penalty he got at the Etihad, and then it was panic stations, but we held on, thankfully then pure joy.
Found out that the rags had won at Stoke with RVP breaking his 10 game drought! What is wrong with these Prem teams this year? Surely one of  them could at least get a draw v the rags? Tossers the lot of them.
On the packed tube back to London  I was serenaded by Fred and the lads from tier 2 of the new Kippax, and after a cuppa back at friends we set off in the car at about 8pm arriving at Toddington at 9pm. Thought we’d be well behind Blues who’d left Wembley after the game but horrendous traffic had held everyone up. Football grounds in London – Why oh Why?
Anyway back home just after midnight, tired but happy.

Monday, 15 April 2013


He’s broken his 10 match drought all the rag media tell us.
Did he
Beat 5 men and score ?
Tap one in ?
Score a 40 yard screamer?
Score a deflected one off a defender?

No it was a penalty!
Is there any other club that attracts such bollocks?

Friday, 12 April 2013

Chelsea on Sunday

We’ve met 3 times in the cup previously:
1915 3rd rd H 0-1
1948 4th rd H 2-0
1971 4th rd A 3-0 which included a thunderous volley from Colin Bell.
Biggest games though were the two legged European Cup Winners’ Cup semis of 1971 when we lost both legs 1-0 with a much depleted team.
There was also the Full Members Cup final in 1986 when they went 5-1 up and we pulled back to 5-4 and had a goal disallowed, the day after the 2-2 Old Trafford Derby.

In the Cup they’ve beaten Saints 5-1 away in the 3rd rd; drawn 2-2 at Brentford in the 4th wining the replay 4-1, beaten ’Boro away 2-0 in the 5th , drew at the Swamp 2-2 in the 6th round winning the replay 1-0.

In the League they’re in 3rd place with 58 points from 31 games, 7 points behind us and level with Spurs.
In the Capital One cup they went out in the semi-final to Swansea.
They’ve a great recent FA Cup pedigree, as holders, but didn’t win their first Cup until 1970 (when the replay caused our Cup Winners’ Cup final in Vienna not to be televised) , by which time City had won 4, but we’ve only added one since.

Comment : After Monday we wish we were playing the rags again, surely the worst Champions elect since, erm last season when they blew an 8 points lead. It’s a game between the biggest clubs in the country with record attendances of 82,905 (Chelsea) and 84,569 (City) We’ve won two and drawn one against them  this season so nothing to fear if the real City turns up.
They’ve also just faced a tiring trip to Rubin Kazan on April 11th, losing 3-2 but going through to the
semi-final of the Europa Cup, so that must have taken something out of them.
It’s a tough ask, they’ve still got great players, but so have we, though Silva probably being out is a blow.
Tevez has a good goal scoring record v Chelsea and must start, with Agueroooooh. Fingers crossed for our usual 1-0 City semi-final win

Groundwise : We know the ropes by now, this being our 3rd visit. Their fans weren’t nice at the Full Members Cup final at the old Wembley in 1986 but times have changed and surely it’ll be a reasonable atmosphere outside the ground this time, unlike the rags disgraceful behaviour in 2011.

Wembley Stadium :Capacity : 90,000 (31,500 for City)

Tuesday, 9 April 2013

worst champions elect in the history of the game?

All the media could go on about pre match was what united were going to do. UWS clued up rags reckoned they were going to have a party on Derby day
Headed for the swamp and parked up in the usual place off Talbot Road at around half six. Always worry that the car has a Manc registration. Incident free on the walk to the ground and we weren’t even searched on the way in. Being old has some advantages, but not many.
After joining in the Wemberlee sing song on the concourse we took up our seats in the left hand side of our corner, sadly they were too tight for us to sit in.
We were then subjected to Keegan’s banal announcements about “the greatest club in the world” and Spurs’ adapted glory glory song, FFS. The two fat baldies paraded their  “Giggs has won the title more times than Bell” banner in the disabled section and then we were subjected to the “power shift” banner after spotting the rag prick to our left who does his embarrassing Rocky style warming up routine, much to the amusement of fellow Blues
No wonder everyone hates them.
However, I did find the Munich flag depicting the ‘Babes’ before the Red Star game in ’58 , on the Stetty quite poignant, though City fans chanted “what the f*ckinell is that” though the majority weren’t around at the time.
Blues were in good voice “We are the Champions, Champions of England”. Bob’s team looked promising and we dominated the first half but without much penetration.
The stewards came into the row in front of us for some unknown reason and then took out someone down to our left.
Second half  we went ahead with Jim’s goal after Gigg’s “tearing families apart”  daft back heel misfired but without anything like the criticism Mario got for his flick at the Etihad. United’s plan A then came into operation – a free kick from which they scored their customary own goal (plan B is a corner, plan C a breakaway from a long ball) We were treated to a Mick Hucknall pitch invasion, the new, mature Rooney got away with a two footed tackle (“we’ve seen him do it before”) similar to the one that incensed him to get Vinny sent off in the Cup last year. He was eventually taken off to a chorus of “you’re just a fat granny shagger” . We waited for Kun and Edin to come on to finish ‘em off, but in the event it was another Agueroooh moment to seal it for us and ram their banner back down their throats.
There was a little bit of action from the real bitters on the way out on the forecourt, they must  call that partying, otherwise a safe trek back to the car and home sweet home.
Fergie thought that united were the better team and that our first goal should have been disallowed as Tevez was on the pitch at the time.
Is there any other club that is so disillusioned, and how the f*ck are they 12 points clear in the Prem? Surely the worst ever Champions elect?
Bought all the papers today and it is apparent that Ollie Holt in the manumirror wrote his article before the game with a hasty adjustment at the end.
Oh and Maggie Thatcher’s died. Justice for the 96.

Sunday, 7 April 2013


Spurs drew with Everton and Chelsea beat Sunderland so they’re both on 58 points, 4 behind us and we have the game v the rags tomorrow, here’s the It’s a fix extract :


Last promotion was in 1975. Since then they’ve bought success, though they won’t admit it
They’re ever present since promotion in 1975. Last pot, nothing since 2011, recent connection Carlos Tevez, 148th league meeting.

This season so far they’re  in  1st place with 77 points from 30 games with 14 wins 0 draws 1 loss  at home.

At the Etihad in December, you won’t need reminding it was a 3-2 stuffy rags win. They went  2 up through Rooney (16, 29)  two fluke goals. Vinny went off injured, Mario was replaced by Tevez and we fought back to 2-2 (Y Y Toure (60) Zab (86) then after Clichy dithered, the ref gave a dubious foul, the wall broke up and  instead of defending an injury time free kick as though our lives depended on it we wimped out to a Nasri own goal (90) from a RVP free kick. Crowd was 47,166 with 2618 obnoxious rags

In the Capital One Cup, they went out 5-4 aet at Chelsea in the 4th round, after beating Newcastle at home 2-1 in the 3rd.

In The Chimps League They qualified for the knock out stage from the Micky Mouse group against  Galatasaray 1-0 H, 0-1 A; CFR Cluj 2-1 A  0-1H; Braga 3-2 H, 3-1 A In the group stage they drew 1-1 at Real Madrid and lost 2-1 at home.

In the FA Cup they beat West Ham 1-0 at home in a replay  after  2-2 away, with a last minute RVP goal and a soft penalty after Wham were denied 2 stonewallers, Fulham 4-0,  Reading 2-1,  Chelsea 2-2 all at home and lost 1-0 in the replay..

Our form at the Liverpool warehouse in Trafford : Last season in October it was, of course the 6-1, Mario (22, 60), Sergio (69), Silva (90) Dzeko (90, 90) with Fletcher (81) getting their consolation. Clattenb urg sent Evans off after half time for two yellows but enough was enough and he denied us a stonewall penalty when Micah was fouled in the box. Crowd was 75,487 with 2,996 Blues.
Prior to that  3 narrow losses after the 2-1 win in 07/08 (50th Munich anniversary) and a number of draws.

Groundwise : They experimented v Villa last year  putting away fans in the top tier of the North Stand but didn’t think it through and logistically it didn’t work out and the snidey trick was abandoned. We’re again tucked away in the corner between the decrepit main stand and K stand away from the TV cameras and behind the goading, snarling, disabled rags and their nauseous  helpers who feign shock horror when they get some back.
It’s the corner where their players run over  for a gloat if they’ve fluked a goal or a win.
If you look up at the translucent roof you will see the moss gathering on top like those houses in the Hitchcock movies.
Their announcer is, of course, ex Junior Blues presenter and Maine Road announcer (but always a rag) Alan Keegan who has sadly lapsed into rag mode with smug announcements re the rags being “Carling Cup holders” or 19/20 times champions and such, plus playing naff rag songs at the end of the game if they’ve won. We expected better.
Theatre of dreams my arse!
At half time and full time our manager  will be subjected to the walk of hate as seen in the Madrid game Mourinho being admonished by an angry fan as  the dressing room tunnel is in a coin throwing corner, Garrido copping for one meant for Carlos recently, of the ground instead of in the centre.
Any Blues player taking a corner is liable to be pelted with bottles, cans and coins as seen in the Carling Cup semi that time.
The dug out is, of course in front of a not so classy, brick wall behind which sit the turban wearing Indian fans, lifelong rags for at least two seasons.
Entering and exiting the ground can also be a problem especially on a night game, best to get there early if you can as they like to pick off the stragglers, bottling and spitting not uncommon. Of course last year no probs exiting as they’d all gone home before the final whistle!

Old Trafford/Swamp/Cesspit/Sty/Leper colony Capacity : 76,000 (3,000 for City)

Comment: What have those rascally rags been up to this season? ……
Well after previously ridiculing us over the money we received, telling us that you can’t buy success, new players have to gel, we’ve bought mercenaries, when you’ve got money you spend it willy nilly, Sunderland bought players in the 50’s and went down,  we’re noisy neighbours, will never be a threat in Fergie’s lifetime, Liverpool are still their only real rivals, etc……….when the penny finally dropped they had to try a different tack on things and change the rules. Gill’s last despicable act (FFP) before defecting to UEFA  (though still on the rags board) where he will attempt, and succeed no doubt , in processing his evil to give the rags every possible advantage. No wonder everyone hates them.
They’re getting the debt down to around £300M so the Glazers are OK after all!
In the summer they bought Kagawa, Buttner, RVP (he could’ve been killed) and young Powell, to complement previous current squad signings of De Gea, Jones, Smalling, Vidic, Ferdinand, Da Silva, Evra, Carrick, Rooney, Valencia, Anderson, Young, Hernandez, Nani etc, …….in the January window they poached Zaha  from Palace. Cost that little lot up.
Squad includes Giggs (what a player he’d’ve  been if he’d stayed with us) who they regularly boo-ed a few years ago, and would have been knighted if he hadn’t shagged his brother’s wife, Scholes who still can’t  tackle, Evans  “who should never play for united again” after the 6-1 and Carrick likewise after the recent semi-final v City.  Fergie, of course, should’ve been sacked in 1988…..

WWTWTWShite: Crowds were down to 11,685 in 1930/31, and the current average is 75,521
Parking : plenty of car parks, some which the club have relieved from the local scallies.
Away day zine : UWS (swap with KOTK, and last year’s fanzine of the year) Red Issue, Red News, Red Shite, Red Bollocks, Red Lies, Red Turds, Red Hypocrisy, Red Twats, Red C*nts……..
Sat Nav : M16 0RA -  this will get rags fans in the vicinity so be prepared for dozens of em decked out in their colours and asking you “which way to the ground” I kid you not. When they spot the Liverpool warehouse they’ll be perplexed as to whether they’re in Liverpool, Salford or Stretford. Keep the dosy sods guessing.
You may have to walk down the old Warwick Road past all the cheap tack befitting of rag and bone men. Then you can gaze at the statues two of  whom are ex City players - Busby  and Denis (back heel) Law.

Saturday, 6 April 2013

You're not going to Wembley

Newcastle, and for a change a nice sunny but cold day. First goal took a while to arrive but after that it was a coast. Sort of performance I hoped for in the game v QPR at home last season. One of those where you could sit back, relax, and admire the football and occasion. Also a good selling day for KK205, so thanks all round.
Spurs won at Swansea but Chelsea lost at saints so we’re 5 points clear of Spurs with a game in hand.
In the week we had Carlos being done for his driving offences then Samir – headline in the MUEN “Nasri joins Tevez in City’s line-up of shame” Well they can add your Ed’s name to that world shattering exclusive as I was done  (41mph in a 30 limit) on Oldham Road when I went to pick up the zine from the printers.
A Saturday and Sunday off  this weekend as the build up to the Derby on Monday night begins. Niall Quinn disappoints us all again with his pro united comments in the MUEN.
Andy Mitten reckons that rag fans DID travel down to London in droves for the last semi v City. Are any club’s fans more deluded than united’s?
So two days to go to their big un. “You’re not going to Wembley” takes on an even  bigger significance as they won’t be having a semi-final, final, or more importantly a European Cup Final at the stadium.
PS liked the Burf posts fellas spesh the game, set and match he outfoxed his missus with that time
PPS Kindle version of KK 205 now available

Tuesday, 2 April 2013

Burf's missing bits

Much to Burfield's chagrin, and the Eds, this bit of his form guide was omitted by our designer, and not picked up by the Eds so here it it: 

So anyway, we’re back at Wembley again. I was angry and disappointed initially when the draw inevitably paired us up with the rags again, as I’d wanted us to be in a showcase final with the world watching, but on reflection were we to lose to them, it would surely be better to do so in a semi than to have them rub a double in our faces in the final. Our run in this years’ FA Cup notwithstanding however, our capacity for receiving appalling draws remains undiminished. In the Carling Cup semis in 2010, we copped for the 1 in 3 shot of the rags, with 2 shit teams in the other semi, we repeated the dose in the 2011 FA Cup semi final draw, we then got them again in a 1 in 63 chance in the 3rd round in 2012, and f*ck me if we haven’t now done the same thing again this year, and once more with 2 poor teams contesting the other semi. And that’s without mentioning the 2 horrendous Chimps League groups we’ve fetched up in.

Should we beat Taggart’s mob again, then Wigan will not be the pushover in the final everyone assumes. Their demolition of Everton at Goodison in the quarters was hugely impressive, and they will surely have too much for Millwall or Blackburn, but our recent record against them augurs well for a second FA Cup triumph if we can get through the semi against Trafford Town or Chelsea…….and let’s face it, we all know it’ll be the rags that fluke their way through, don’t we?! No - Ed!

And finally then we return to the Premiership and that veritable acid test of progress, a trip to Scuffle Central, and if ever you wanted evidence of why Roberto Mancini should leave this club in the summer, then as usual his shortcomings against Gollum’s mob provided it in spades. We were gonners from the moment the team sheet revealed that Barry and Garcia, the two least mobile central midfielders in the world had been chosen to face the customary Everton high press hustle machine, that Dzeko, probably the least effective centre forward in the division with his back to goal on a tight pitch with a defender kicking him up the arse non-stop for 90 minutes, would lead the line, and that we were going to play 3-5-2, with two ultra slow wide men in Milner and Kolarov expected to provide both attacking width and get back and cover the marauding Coleman and the shit Bradley Wiggins. As an exercise in team selection and tactical approach, I don’t think the manager could have gotten it more hopelessly wrong if he’d deployed Mavis Riley in the midfield war zone and a one armed circus dwarf in goal, it was that f*cking clueless.

As expected, Gaz Baz was overrun and humiliated into surrendering possession again and again just like he was at St Mary’s (and by the way, I must regretfully retract my statement, made after the Norwich game, to the effect that we should offer the player a new one year contract. His legs have gone. Thanks for a superb 4 year contribution to this club Gareth, you are a genuine legend in my eyes, but there’s no room for sentiment, and especially not when people like Platini and Gill are trying to pull the rug out from under our feet financially. Goodbye and good luck), and whilst Garcia was marginally better in terms of keeping hold of the ball under pressure, the pair of them as a combination lacked any kind of drive or athleticism, and as a consequence, Tevez and Dzeko were left stranded all afternoon, not that that should excuse the performance of the latter. When you’re missing your 3 best players, you need your ‘B’ listers, and especially ones that cost £27m, to stand up and be counted. Dzeko couldn’t even manage the standing up part. His display up front was comical, verging on the cowardly. He fell down every time he was touched, he whined incessantly to the referee, and he routinely miscontrolled the ball further than Steve Backley could throw a f*cking javelin. A 6ft 4’ poodle haired pansy in a purple shirt, he had all the fight in him of an 18th century romantic poet with consumption. The contrast between Edin and Anichebe could not have been more stark. Truly f*cking pitiful, and if we can con someone out of £20m in the summer, he’s top of the exit pops for me.

Out wide, Milner and Kolarov were dreadful, twisting this way and that to compensate for their lack of speed and never ever getting the ball into the box early enough to give our forwards the chance to catch the Everton defenders on the wrong foot, whilst defensively they were run ragged by Coleman and Baines, leaving Kolo and Nasty to get dragged out of position continually and concede a never ending string of corners.

When an ex-united right back accurately identifies both problem and solution after about 5 minutes, whilst your manager alternately sits on his hands and rages at his players, then you know there are serious questions to be asked. Sinclair should have been on from the start, Milner should have been in the engine room alongside Garcia, one of the best left backs in the division should not have been getting splinters up his arse on the bench, Nasri should have been on for Kolarov after about 20 minutes, and a simple switch to 4-4-2 would have ended the comical spectacle of Kolo and Zab getting in each other’s way like the Keystone Cops.

However, having compounded a truly awful team selection – made, I might add, in the full knowledge of exactly how Everton would play – Mancini’s response was to stubbornly persist with the same tactical shambles for the entire 90 minutes, to substitute Kolo Toure and send on Clichy in a central defensive role, an act that did nothing to end the sight of Seamus Coleman strolling up and down our left flank unmolested, to give Sinclair, the grand total of 8 minutes worth of football, and to leave the beleaguered Barry in place for 70 minutes. Oh and when the players heads were down, and they needed motivating, what they got was arm waving and ranting. That he f*cked off back to Italy without a word, after presiding over this utter shambles, just about said it all.
Sure, we were the victims of a terrible display from Lee Probert, who let the crowd referee the game from start to finish, and who, having finally grown a pair to send Pienaar off for his second dreadful foul, then bottled Fellaini’s handball more shamefully than any ref has any decision this season, and rubbed salt into the wounds by allowing the Everton wall to stand no more than 6 yards away from the ball. But Probert also disallowed a perfectly good goal by Mirallas, so he makes for a pretty lame scapegoat.

It’s one thing to lose a game now and again, to be worsted by a better side, but to lose continually to the same teams employing the same tactics against you, year in, year out, points to a cluelessness, a stubbornness, and an inability to recognise and adapt to the problems set by others. There are 9 games left this season. The title is long gone, and we are now playing for a top 4 finish. If you think Arsenal, currently 9 points adrift, can’t catch us, then you would be guilty of rank complacency. They are effectively 3 wins behind us, and their run-in is a cakewalk, the only real test being a home game against the rags, which will be a dead rubber anyway, 3 games from the end of the season. I would fully expect Taggart to field a weakened side as the chance to put a stick in our spokes would be one he would relish, both personally and in terms of irrevocably weakening us as a competitor. Other than that, they face an 8 game diet of Sunderland's, Norwich's, Reading's and Fulham's.
It may be an unlikely scenario, but given that I fully expect us to get nothing out of our trips to the rags, Spurs and Swansea, and especially if Aguero and Kompers are still out, then the pressure on us to win all our home games in an ever more congested fixture list will increase exponentially. Mancini has looked bereft of ideas every time we've faced either a parked bus (QPR, Reading) or a high press (Madrid, Liverpool, Dortmund, Southampton, Everton) this season, and it will only take one of those sides employing either of those tactics to give us a very real problem. As I said earlier, our whole future is mortgaged against qualifying for that damned competition and the consequences of missing out don't bear thinking of.
For me Mancini has to go in the summer. It may be a gamble, but this is his squad assembled at huge expense and, our best XI aside, its shortcomings are becoming more and more readily apparent. It is unbalanced, and it is utterly bereft of pace, both individually and collectively. If he stays then I fear we will go backwards again next season, at a time when at least 2 of our competitors, Chelsea and Liverpool, are showing signs of emerging from their transitional periods and morphing into a real threat.